Why do some relationships fail? Why are some relationships better than others? We may not know; but we hold this view: that our relationships can be much more successful and fulfilling IF we keep CLOSELY STUDYING how God relates with us.
We have below 5 key points that seek to illuminate more on our view. The list is by no means exhaustive, but you'll remember the points here easily with the acronym: CCOCC. Read on.
1. Choice
Prototype:
A good study of scripture reveals that we are chosen by God; and we must choose God for our relationship with Him to advance beyond platonic. God chose us! He says, "Ye are a CHOSEN generation (1Pet 2: 9). Before you were born, I CHOSE you... (Jer 1:5 CEV)." And we must choose Him, forsaking all other gods for any meaningful thing to start. "He came to His own, and His own received Him not. But as many as received Him, He gave to them authority to become the children of God, to those who believe on His name... (John 1: 11-12). Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me (Rev 3:20)."
Action:
A brother and a sister might live, work or worship in the same environment. They might even be team mates in a project and be in good talking terms. However, that relationship will never go beyond platonic until they choose to be with each other. The brother must choose the sister, forsaking all others. The sister must in return choose the brother, forsaking all others. This is
true even when the brother and sister were match-made. Note that none of them is allowed to choose without forsaking all others, else it won't work. Remember the First Commandment: Never have any other god (Exo 20: 3 (GW)). Until the other 'opens the door', one will need to keep 'standing on the door and knocking.'
A brother and a sister might live, work or worship in the same environment. They might even be team mates in a project and be in good talking terms. However, that relationship will never go beyond platonic until they choose to be with each other. The brother must choose the sister, forsaking all others. The sister must in return choose the brother, forsaking all others. This is
true even when the brother and sister were match-made. Note that none of them is allowed to choose without forsaking all others, else it won't work. Remember the First Commandment: Never have any other god (Exo 20: 3 (GW)). Until the other 'opens the door', one will need to keep 'standing on the door and knocking.'
2. Communication
Prototype:
Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD! (Isa 1: 18). The LORD, the king of Jacob, says, "Come, present your arguments..." (Isa 41: 21 ERV). God wants us to speak with Him just as He's ready to speak with us always. Even way back in Eden, God comes down to relate with man; and in John's vision of the future, God will come to live with mankind! (Rev 21:3ff). Communication is key. We must "read (y)our Bible, pray everyday if we want to grow." No shortcuts. Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear: all because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer!
Action:
The importance of communication in any relationship is quite obvious. It is important when all is well in the relationship, but even more important when one or both of you is dissatisfied with something about the other. It is useful both in deepening relationship and in resolving issues. Therefore, couples must learn to communicate with each other. No one should be too busy for this - except one gets as busy as God. Learn to pause your activities once in a while to talk with your spouse - even if it's only a minute. It really goes a long way in keeping your relationship and closing up loopholes that the enemy might want to explore to break you up.
The importance of communication in any relationship is quite obvious. It is important when all is well in the relationship, but even more important when one or both of you is dissatisfied with something about the other. It is useful both in deepening relationship and in resolving issues. Therefore, couples must learn to communicate with each other. No one should be too busy for this - except one gets as busy as God. Learn to pause your activities once in a while to talk with your spouse - even if it's only a minute. It really goes a long way in keeping your relationship and closing up loopholes that the enemy might want to explore to break you up.
3. Openness
Prototype:
We cannot hide anything from God; He sees and knows all about us. However, He cherishes it so much when we come to Him (in prayer), pouring out our hearts to Him. And God has revealed Himself through nature and more importantly, through the Holy Scriptures. This shows us how important openness is in any relationship. You can't walk with God without being open. He that covereth his sins shall not prosper (Prov 28: 13). And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil (John 3:19).
Action:
As the world becomes smaller and smaller (metaphorically), it becomes gradually impossible to hide anything from your spouse for too long. So, openness is really the way to go. In fact, even when your spouse has found out that thing, s/he will appreciate it better if s/he hears it from you without asking. Openness also provides you the opportunity to receive help or good counsel. One more thing: openness assumes trust; so learn to trust your spouse. Understand that nobody is perfect and without challenges, and that everybody has a past. This will help you not have unrealistic or idealistic expectations about the other. Be willing to forgive and let go, when the need arises. Let not your love be conditional; Agape is still possible only if you make up your mind.
As the world becomes smaller and smaller (metaphorically), it becomes gradually impossible to hide anything from your spouse for too long. So, openness is really the way to go. In fact, even when your spouse has found out that thing, s/he will appreciate it better if s/he hears it from you without asking. Openness also provides you the opportunity to receive help or good counsel. One more thing: openness assumes trust; so learn to trust your spouse. Understand that nobody is perfect and without challenges, and that everybody has a past. This will help you not have unrealistic or idealistic expectations about the other. Be willing to forgive and let go, when the need arises. Let not your love be conditional; Agape is still possible only if you make up your mind.
4. Commitment
Prototype:
This is about commitment to spend the rest of your life with your chosen spouse. In other words, this point is about Marriage. God promises, "I will never leave you; I will never run away from you (Heb 13: 5b ERV). I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world (Matt 28:20b KJV)." And He expects us to make the same commitment if the relationship is to bear fruit. Jesus begs, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me... He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. (John 15:5-7)
Action:
When brother and sister make a commitment to abide - he in her and her in him - a lot of things begin to happen, the most important being bearing fruits in all areas of life, ceteris paribus. Marriage is a worthwhile vocation, and is encouraged for as many as can go into it, even though Scripture teaches that marriage is not compulsory. We encourage you to work towards making it official (i.e., getting married) if you and your spouse have chosen each other and are ready to make that life-long commitment. Note also that this commitment is as long as you live; NOT as long as s/he is rich or is healthy or is responsible. An easy way to grasp this is to think about the relationship with your siblings while growing. Irrespective of how annoying they were, something in you always reminded you that they would forever remain your siblings.
When brother and sister make a commitment to abide - he in her and her in him - a lot of things begin to happen, the most important being bearing fruits in all areas of life, ceteris paribus. Marriage is a worthwhile vocation, and is encouraged for as many as can go into it, even though Scripture teaches that marriage is not compulsory. We encourage you to work towards making it official (i.e., getting married) if you and your spouse have chosen each other and are ready to make that life-long commitment. Note also that this commitment is as long as you live; NOT as long as s/he is rich or is healthy or is responsible. An easy way to grasp this is to think about the relationship with your siblings while growing. Irrespective of how annoying they were, something in you always reminded you that they would forever remain your siblings.
5. Communion
Prototype:
Communion has been defined as the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially on a mental or spiritual level. God's ultimate desire for us is to have full communion with Him. In fact, it is for this reason that Jesus came and died for us: to reestablish that sweet communion broken in the garden of Eden. It is the high point of every relationship. It creates the kind of knowledge that produces real and enduring fruit. Remember Paul's cry, "that I may know Him..." (Phil 3: 10). I understand the word translated "know" is from the same root word with the word "knew" in "And Adam knew his wife, Eve..." (Gen 4:1). Notice that in both cases (Adam and Paul), the "knowing" was after the relationship had run for some time, showing that communion is not achieved overnight. The relationship grew unto full communion.
Action:
There are two instruments of communion available to couples that have advanced to the point of marriage: Devotion and Sex. While Sex is about sharing or exchange of intimate feelings, Devotion is about intimate thoughts. No marriage can remain "sweet" for long without frequent sharing and exchange of intimate thoughts AND feelings, therefore couples must work hard to make this possible. We need to stress Devotion a little more here for it will usually be the beginning of your breakthrough. Remember: every great act in life began with a thought. Devotion is much more than praying and studying the Bible together; it is sharing of intimate thoughts. Thoughts about your dreams in life, your impact to your generation, your fears, your worries, your aspirations, God's Word, your love for God and His work, etc are all intimate thoughts you need to share with each other. Inputs from him or her will generally produce a much better output than you would have done alone.
There are two instruments of communion available to couples that have advanced to the point of marriage: Devotion and Sex. While Sex is about sharing or exchange of intimate feelings, Devotion is about intimate thoughts. No marriage can remain "sweet" for long without frequent sharing and exchange of intimate thoughts AND feelings, therefore couples must work hard to make this possible. We need to stress Devotion a little more here for it will usually be the beginning of your breakthrough. Remember: every great act in life began with a thought. Devotion is much more than praying and studying the Bible together; it is sharing of intimate thoughts. Thoughts about your dreams in life, your impact to your generation, your fears, your worries, your aspirations, God's Word, your love for God and His work, etc are all intimate thoughts you need to share with each other. Inputs from him or her will generally produce a much better output than you would have done alone.
---
This is our contribution to the on-going discussions on Relationships. We hope you've been blessed by it; and more importantly, we wish you a happy, lasting and fruitful relationship.
This is our contribution to the on-going discussions on Relationships. We hope you've been blessed by it; and more importantly, we wish you a happy, lasting and fruitful relationship.
Share your thoughts with us here.
Comments
Post a Comment